The Impossible </3

 

I

never thought that i would ever fall for anyone .. that i would ever love or even like anyone…
the thought it self never came to me… i was always the girl that stood still and never said yes to anyone … love was nothing to me.. a foolish thought nothing more nothing less… i never liked the idea of giving your heart to anyone …
my heart is mine… my heart cant possibly break … it can never … since i won’t give it away..but now im hearing my heart beats swallow me whole … im feeling empty…im foolish, how could i done this , how could i given away my heart this easily…. no i didnt give it away that easy … i just crushed it with my bare hands … i dont need anyone to crush it … i know i already did … by just thinking of giving it away….

Im

here now looking at the things i said … looking at the scars iv committed to this innocent heart… it never new the meaning of the word ” like ” to begin with, how did i leave it to the devilish thoughts to fall and break … it didnt fall … alas i pushed it … of the cliff, the mountain cliff.. now im paying for my foolish doing by heart, mind and soul …. i do not deserve the sympathy

..

Why..?! Why

this unpleasant  feeling in my chest ?!…your saying one thing and acting another…. your acting one way and saying another… Iv been wrong iv been down… but this is affecting me the most… this is killing me the most…this is … the worst….I .. i dont know … why do i care this much…why cant i move on ….

I’v

been hurt so many times by you… you didnt ever intend to hurt me but i just…. cant just leave the thought that my heart is dying… i killed it … by caring … caring for you.. for someone that cares for another … And i hate how much i love you… and i hate how much i care… but i cant just let go… and i hate that i love you this way…

One

of this day your words wont affect me … one of these days ill win over this broken tears…one of these days ill give up on this … on trying to get the unreachable …. why am i fooling my self , you love her … you still love her…. you wanna be next to her … you can never feel me … you dont even see me … im nothing to you … nothing more then a friend … i even doubt you consider me as your friend…

I

was careless … i didnt know how to think any better…i only gave my heart the control over my mind… Due to this foolishness i lost it all…

I

showed the smile … i faked the laughs … he never saw it … he never understood …. i remember when i used to tell them to be care full when it comes to love…but he was stronger then me…and my feeling were stronger then my mind…
i forgot what i said , i was careless … and now i have nothing to say anyone …and like the song said “

Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the sky line
All we had is gone now
Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible …..

Yes

Impossible

” i hoped for the

impossible

… i hope for your heart to be mine… but how?! … your heart is her’s … you dont have her… but she still have your heart…
i cant take it …. i cant have it… alas my broken heart will always suffer… its broken and scared ,scared and alone…

I

remember  the days when i never believed in such things as love …then …and i met you … i had a whole heart… happy… full of tears… but happy… because it was whole…but i met you …then i broke it… now … all my scars are open …im all inside bleeding … bleeding \with the impossible….
Why ?!…why did i have to just go after the

impossible

…. now… i cant ever fall in love again…. im broken ….i dont believe in love anymore… Im Done…Im Broken…I Give Up ….

Sorry For Loving You ….

——————————————————————————————————-

Image

Did this drawing back in the end of 2011 …

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